After the Baby

January 3, 2000
While having a baby is often presumed to be one of the most profoundly joyful and intimate events in a marriage, this refreshing book examines the emotional upheaval that usually comes with it. Having interviewed more than 200 couples repeatedly over a 10-year period, Nordin reminds us that the birth of a child--even if it's a second or third child--plunges a couple into new rhythms, roles and responsibilities. The convergence of physical and emotional changes, sleep deprivation, constant child care, increased housework and worry over new financial responsibilities often results in "frequent disagreements, an emotional distance, and a stalemate to cooperation" between new parents. With less time and energy for each other and themselves, Nordin contends, new parents frequently lose both the sexual and emotional intimacy they previously enjoyed, at a time when they most need to pull together. These challenges, and unrealistic assumptions, end many marriages in the early years of parenthood. Offering hope that parenthood can provide "opportunities for growth and a deepening of the marital commitment," Nordin examines many common issues in detail with concrete examples for resolving them. Her weakest chapter relies on dubious scare tactics to steer couples away from divorce, lest their children's lives be ruined forever. Her strongest argument, reserved for a brief last chapter, is that the long-term rewards and benefits of weathering storms in the parenting process ultimately outweigh the growing pains and sacrifices made along the way.

May 1, 2000
Child advocate Nordin interviewed more than 200 sets of parents and 100 professionals for this study, which pinpoints the physical and emotional changes that occur in couples after having a baby. Stresses like money shortages and physical exhaustion are also covered. Using examples from her interviews, Nordin examines changes in intimacy, communication, and sex. The final third of the book offers helpful suggestions for dealing with these changes. Although she discusses divorce as an overly frequent outcome, Nordin strongly urges couples to deal with challenges as they arise and find the strength to honor their commitment to their marriage and children. Dwenda K. Gjerdingen (family practice, Univ. of Minnesota Medical Sch., St. Paul) wrote a foreword and provides medical advice. This will certainly interest new parents and those about to become parents. Recommended for public libraries.--Kay L. Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, MD

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