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Don't Lick the Minivan

And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.
In Don't Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as:

  • The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied.
  • The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan's paint with rocks.
  • The funeral she officiated for "Stripper Barbie."
  • The horror of glitter.
  • And much more!

  • A delayed encounter with postpartum depression helps Shirtliffe to realize that even if she can't teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she's a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins' therapy fund. And possibly her own. Crisply written, Don't Lick the Minivan will have parents laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Shirtliffe's memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.
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      • Publisher's Weekly

        May 13, 2013
        Teacher and blogger Shirtliffe delivers an account, first set in Thailand and later in Canada, of the sometimes humorous, sometimes standard-issue adventures of life with twins. From helping one kid unstick his tongue from an icy surface to nicking the other's finger while trying to clip her nails, many of Shirtliffe's familyhood tales have already been widely broadcast via parenting essay collections and the visual media at large. Some of the most distinctive passages spin the cultural gap between the author's family and their Thai neighbors into comic gold. Others revolve around twin-specific interactions, offering a peek into the closest variety of sibling communication, a type that encompasses old-married-couple laughter as often as it does warring farts. The problem, though, is that though the events are believable, and may warrant a warm smile of camaraderie from those who've personally endured the wacky-normalcy of parenthood, they're simply humorous-enough; they don't stand out. Shirtliffe is at her brightest when she goes for bold, leaving behind safer, ho-hum observations in favor of a sneakier, more subtle wit.

      • Kirkus

        April 1, 2013
        An entertaining look at raising twins. Humor blogger Shirtliffe, who writes for the Huffington Post, the Calgary Herald and other publications, opens the door to her family life with a droll take on parenting twins from pregnancy through kindergarten. Pregnant in Thailand, during her fifth month, she felt like "a walking Astrodome"; by week 37, she writes, "I'd been weighed by two Thai nurses whose combined mass equaled one of my thighs." After a year in Bangkok, Shirtliffe and her family traveled from Thailand to Alberta, Canada, where life with their children took on the inevitable roller-coaster ride of new parents and toddlers. Anecdotal reflections on breast-feeding, car trips, airplane flights, fingernail cuttings, and "poo and puke" are just some of the many moments Shirtliffe recalls in detail. Numerous parenting tips include "on long trips, let your children eat whatever processed crap you can get your hands on," pretend you're on Survivor since "to help you survive raising children, you need to 'outwit, outplay, outlast' them each day," and "as long as your child isn't the worst in his class, he will succeed. If he is the worst, drink more wine." Amid the humor are frank confessions of Shirtliffe's dips into postpartum depression and her frequent assessment of her ability to be a good mom to two normal kids. But with the help of her husband, family members and friends, the author remembers that "it is all a stage: the small stuff (like sleeplessness and toxic diapers) and the big stuff (your child's dependence and even your life), and the most important thing to do is laugh." Mostly witty commentary on the common ups and downs of being a new parent, times two.

        COPYRIGHT(2013) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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